Beach ball

A couple of years ago, after gaining some extra 'comfy' after a break up (I thought the heart break diet was supposed to make you drop the pounds?!) I tried Slimming World and I lost around 28 lbs! Hi-fives all round! However, the problem with Slimming World for me, is that doesn't teach you how to control your portions, in fact it actually encourages you to eat to bursting....'no restrictions, no weighing, never go hungry again, unlimited free foods'. Okay, well it may not encourage you to eat until you feel you may just explode, but that is what I did. Because I was missing out on the things I actually wanted to eat, I'd eat 11 portions worth of 'free' food to attempt to make up for it. This is fine when sticking 100% to the plan, however, if you give up and continue to eat the same volume of foods that are certainly NOT on the plan, it isn't great.
Needless to say, once I strayed, I piled back on all the weight I lost and more.

Rotund (image credit)

Anyway, here I am 4 months into the Year of the New me (a.k.a, 2014) and I'm still, erm, the old me? Okay, maybe I'm being to hard on myself. I have changed. The 2013 me would secretly consider walking 20 mins into work to be a solid work-out. Fast forward a few months and I'm running, body pumping (ahem) and meta-fitting but I am definitely over compensating with food because I feel I somehow 'deserve it' after all that hard work. After a long (okay, 3 mile) run there's nothing I crave more than a door wedge of bread with lashings of salty butter and a pint of Vimto. I need to sort the diet thing out.

Ultimately, I want to eat 'clean' but I'm on a bit of a deadline. I have just realised how close my appointment at a beautiful wedding boutique, The White Closet is. 33 days to be precise.
The last time I tried dresses on I felt slightly beached whale-esque, or maybe more floundering porpoise, trapped in an ivory, lacy net. I felt sweaty, red and bulging. Not exactly the movie-like, beautiful, orchestral, angel voiced choir 'hallelujah' moment I was going for. Most of the dresses could not would not so much as meet at the back, let alone be fastened up.

CRAAAAAAAAAPPP! (image credit)

I know, I'm not going to transform my body in 33 days, but I'm going to give it a bloody good go. I figure the best way to begin is to cut out the crap and watch what goes in vs what I expend calorie wise, however calorie counting doesn't work for me. I ALWAYS feel deprived and hungry and can manage to be saintly for a week and then I get h-angry (can I still have that? Is it still a thing?) and eat EVERYTHING.IN.SIGHT (so don't get in my way). So, I have decided that just for the next few weeks, I will do my own version of SW, or the same, but just free. Shhhhhh. Last time I did it, I stuck at it for a good 4 months, so I can certainly do 33 days. 

To help me, I will chronicle the journey on here, you lucky things (anyone out there?) and maybe, I should make this thing real cringe and post a 'before / after' pic in my smalls. Maybe.

ash x